Workplace Comedy Enthusiasts Pillows

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"That had to be the worst job performance review I've ever had."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'What's wrong now?'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'...we have every new employee spend time on our assembly line. Eight hours, no breaks.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Unto thee shall pass the executive laser pointer. Take this authority and delegate it.

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

'No, they're not my children. They gave me these for doing a good job at work.'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

'Did you get the hard copy from Mr. Dawson?'

'He doesn't like people walking in - try crawling.'

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'