Workplace Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

'About this reference of yours, he worked for me for sixteen years, and when he left I was very satisfied.'

"How funny …that notice is printed on bright white paper and yet they insist on calling it a pink slip."

"And this is your social worker, we'll be blaming them if anything, ANYTHING goes wrong with your life."

'Your accident can't be accepted as an industrial accident because you didn't wear your hard hat.'

As you can see we've had to downsize our workforce.

'I'm overpaying you, but you're worth it.'

Please wait here to be ignored...

"The sort of person we are looking for is someone who will work his socks off for very little in return. Are you that sort of person?"

"...and try to get rid of that new-hire smell."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'What's wrong now?'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Another day at work would be one too many...

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'