Workplace Humor Enthusiasts Pillows

HB Fillmond - A great entrepreneur and capitalist/CD Hainsmore - Always knew who to hitch his wagon to...

"Paid leave? You're doing well to get paid for when you're here."

On reflection I think I could have coped with just 340 degree feedback.

'You've got to cure my snoring, Doc! -- I'm afraid I'll lose my job with the Government!'

"A 'take charge' guy would be nice but I'm looking for more of the 'take blame' type."

"I'm glad I'm not in business for myself - I wasted the whole day."

"Well, I'm awaiting your justification, young man!"

"I admit it, I was wrong about what makes an employee 'essential'."

Warlord

"Our mandatory fitness program has nothing to do with health. It generates electricity, which saves the company money."

"We're after someone with exactly these outstanding qualifications...only in a man!"

Recruitment Agency: "Describe yourself in three words."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'I'm leaving early cos I didn't come in so late'

Of course the teasts are complete nonsense but we're working on the basis that anyone who can be bothered to complete all 148 of them must be highly motivated...

'Alright everybody, can we all be extra sweet to Brad today? Cause he's got mange.'

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."