Workplace Humor Lover Pillows

'Miss Wilcox, send in someone to blame.'

"I'll keep your application on file in case something else comes up"

"I spent hundreds of dollars on a course for entrepreneurs..."

"When I asked if you could start right away, I meant if we decide to hire you."

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Of course we value your opinion Ed. You're always wrong and we need that in knowing what to avoid.'

'I start the morning with a warm 'Hello!' then downgrade through the day to a nod until I finally lose eye contact altogether.'

'How can you be suffering from burnout? You've never really caught fire in this organization.'

"You're late."

"Hey, you have got great empathy!"

"By the way, while you were off sick we located the bottle neck."

'Here - 'It's my way or the. . .'!'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'Before I show you where you'll be working, let me just say that some companies use money as an incentive. I use Vito here.'

'There's no raise with the promotion, but you do get to change your avatar.'

'Well, don't just stand there...Hop to it!'

Man out of order like his coffee machine

'When is it due Diligence?'

Elevator buttons read Easy Come (going up) and Easy Go (going down).

"We will of course keep you fully uninformed."

'Here's Adams with the sign now!'

See? This is precisely why we don't encourage office romances.

'This is Geoff, who handles all the reports calling for moderation in management bonuses.'

'No, that hasn't crossed my desk yet.'

Sign over washroom sink: All Employees: Wash your hands, wipe that stupid grin off your face.

'Finnegan's hurt bad, sir -- a crate of warning labels fell on him!'

'I fancy you like mad, Miss Prentice.'

'If you're trying to sneak out of work, you should at least get your coordinates right.'

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"Now let's see you run a hundred yards with a modern management team on your back."

'Don't you find loafing gets tiresome?'

"Johnson suggests the same thing every month...that we give him more money."

When I started working here, there were only three people in this office.

'The bad news, Pomeroy, is tht we're giving your job to your secretary -- the good news is that she wants you to stay on as her secretary!'

Job Safety - Lunch.