Workplace Humor Lovers Pillows

'And this is one of our clients...er I mean service users, no I mean...'

Safety is number one

The Contract Culture: 'Jump.'

Simmons, I know Fridays are casual days, but...

'My trick for avoiding extra work is to look busy all the time...'

40 Years Service Awards - How many years did you ACTUALLY work here?

'Know what I miss?...telling employees they can't have a raise.'

Corporate Ladder.

'Sir, I thought we'd discuss that raise.'

"I feel like crap today."

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

"On the plus side, I finally have a key to the executive washroom."

"If you could be in any cubicle, which one would it be?"

Food Chain, Inc: 'UP...DOWN'.

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"