Workplace Humor Aficionados Pillows

"When do the training wheels come off?"

'You mean during your hiring interview this morning he never mentioned the gap in your resume?'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"And you can rest assured that your problem is being ignored at the very highest levels."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"What's wrong with swallowing up other companies?"

"Where we lack in productivity is made up by extremely low employee turnover."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'In hindsight, we should have spent more on marketing than entertainment.'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'What I lack in cognitive flexibility, I make up for in moral flexibility.'

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'I'll get back to you when I'm myself, Eddie.'

'We want you to take the hindmost.'

Earl suspends his disbelief.

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'