Workplace Comedy Aficionados Gifts

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

"He sits there all day waiting to chase the email man."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

Bureaucrats held up by the workers.

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

"I heard you're top dog in trust and loyalty training."

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'

"Ziegler, I'm transferring you out of the energy commission!"

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

Group of people.

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'

Unfortunately, Lyle had already sent nasty e-mails to his boss, three vice-presidents and the CEO.

"Most people would jump at an opportunity like this."

'I talk the talk but I don't walk the walk.'

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'