Lover Of Workplace Comedy Gifts

'Not everyone is able to cope with change.'

"This one suggests we stop sneaking off to a motel during the noon hour!"

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

Two doctors holding hands

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."

"Ziegler, I'm transferring you out of the energy commission!"

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'