Lover Of Workplace Comedy Gifts

'Not everyone is able to cope with change.'

"This one suggests we stop sneaking off to a motel during the noon hour!"

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Why yes, there was an extra five thousand dollars in my pay check last week...er...I thought it was a raise."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

Two doctors holding hands

"You might need to remind Mrs. Sanders it's 'bring your DAUGHTER to work' day."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"My boss said I have narcolepsy. She could have waited to tell me after I woke up."

'So this is the company's new mission statement.'

'I'm on the way to a meeting. Go back to whatever you weren't doing.'

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."

'Miss Barnes, cancel my appointments. If I start swimming now, I can be back in the office in a few weeks.'

"Ziegler, I'm transferring you out of the energy commission!"

"Welcome aboard, Thompson. Brono here will lay out the itinerary."

'You do a fine job guarding the place, we just need you to shed less.'