Fan Of Workplace Humor Gifts

"Security's really tight in this building."

'... Service your gas fire?... Certainly, I can not bother turning up this Tuesday morning, if that's convenient.'

'Ever since he was lionized by the media, he's been impossible to work with!'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"Shankar, I needed someone to dot the 'I's' and cross the 'T's' but that was before there was ChatGPT."

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

Two doctors holding hands

Earl suspends his disbelief.

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

"What a day. I almost lost my smug look of detached superiority."