Fan Of Workplace Jokes Gifts

'This call may be monitored for training purposes or just to keep our staff amused.'

'I believe a problem shared is a problem delegated.'

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

Two doctors holding hands

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'Our goal is for you to successfully transition to your new job before retirement age.'

Office zombie.

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."