Workplace Joke Aficionado Gifts

"I've detected an intruder."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Golfing Boss

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'Senior management wanted me to raise morale so I made Lionel from accounts 'office jester'!'

Work Parfait

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Lethal Presentation

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

"And where have you previously moused?"

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'