Workplace Humor Connoisseur Gifts

"Y'all listen up. Herb here is gonna demonstrate the proper way to lean on a shovel."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

Well, I see Wilcox is finally using his head...as a paperweight!

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

'I'd give you a raise, but I had to throw tantrums to make my parents give me anything as a kid.'

'Why are you arguing? The customer is always right, you know! 'But he called you a crook!'

'It's settled then. Your people will meet with my people if they ever get me any people.'

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

"Greetings, Earthling - Are you a worker or a drone?"

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Here's your workplace. You will find out company is not big on CCTV cameras or punch clocks.'

'I'd like you to become a smaller, lower-paid version of myself.'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"This just in — I no longer have a job."

"Quicksand in a modern office building? Don't be silly."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

Two doctors holding hands

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

Giving feedback is a complex process.

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'