Office Humor Connoisseur Gifts

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'You're all a bunch of clowns. You're all fired.'

"Quicksand in a modern office building? Don't be silly."

"I need you to go upstairs to corporate accounts, find Eggleston and wee-wee on his desk. He'll know why."

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

ENNUI...(smiley face).

'Mrs. Zegenzahn, I'm an expert on exorcising demons, devils and poltergeists, but insurance representatives? There's no remedy for that.'

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

'I have no idea what a Wiki is but I want one on my desk next week, now move it, people!'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Golfing Boss

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"