Office Humor Devotee Gifts

'We're looking for next generation leaders so we're replacing you with a fetus.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

Golfing Boss

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."