Office Humor Lover Gifts

Effective communications

"Mr. Sherman, you hired our team of management consultants to stremline your enterprise, and that is precisely what we are doing."

"I wish I had a salary that disgusted people."

"Planning,who's got time for planning? I haven't even got time to get dressed in the morning."

"This concludes my lecture on non-verbal communication. Any comments or questions?"

Three office doors: 'Idea People,' 'Make It Happen People,' and 'Make it Like This Never Happened People.'

Before Powerpoint.

'Oh, you'll love working here. Nobody treats you any differently just becuase of your age, race, or gender.'

"I'm sensing confidence, boldness, and moral sensibility. You're not going to turn out to be a whistleblower, are you?"

'Why me...why me have I suffered enough? Can't I just be left alone!'

"This month's business meeting is the same as last month's business meeting but with many more problems."

Target setting: 'What about 38%, we haven't used 38% for a while.'

"All six suppliers are complaining that you are not taking this selection process seriously!"

'Individually we could do nothing. So we formed a committee which determined nothing could be done.'

"Remember when I said I was going to be honest with you, Jeff? That was a big, fat lie."

'I shan't be in today - I'm in bed with a nasty bug.'

"Management is all about empathy.....nad if you can't get that into your thick skull then you've no future here."

'...and we will continue to have these meetings until I learn why no work is getting done!'

'Will you shut up, Sims? I'm busy trying to upgrade my interpersonal skills.'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'So we're agreed then there's no need to change our equal opportunities employment policies.'

'Money won't make you happy, Waldron, so instead of a raise, I'm giving you prozac.'

'It's worse than we thought - there's going to be random testing for competence.'

'Ms. Jennings, have you seen my 'Organization is the Key to the Success' poster?'

'Excellent - it's unanimous!'

"When I hired you to improve our procurement process I was expecting more than go faster stripes on the strategy document!"

'We are not a sexist employer, so we ask all employees exactly the same questions. Now, 'what happens if you become pregnant?''

'Yes, we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'As you can see, our corporate culture rewards worshipping the top guy.'

"I'm well aware that your e-mail isn't working. I got your first message."

'I hate toask again, but what is it I'm supposed to be looking for?'

'We're sending you on special assignment to analyze our shipping problems.'

"Would you mind if I saw him first "

'Sorry to drag you in Doc. But I was reading your e-mails and noticed that one of my neighbours had a rash, could it be contagious?'

'Would you please send in one of my 'yes-man' to break this tie?'