Office Joke Lover Gifts

'That is a poignant tale of woe, Ned, but I don't do poignant tales of woe on friday afternoon.'

"I recommend we have Bob fill this position, since he's a familiar face. We have hired him four times, laid him off twice, and we've tried to assassinate him at least three times."

'My son will find this useful at school. It's a list of the rudest insults I've heard from the customers this week.'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Golfing Boss

Can do...No can do