Workplace Comedy Connoisseur Gifts

"I think some of them got a little too much into the role of working at the UN!"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"Ahhh....I think that was a flying fuck."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."

'If you have nothing to do don't come round here and do it.'

'I don't know what he does, but I'm afraid to ask.'

"I appreciate the effort Carl, but I don't think you understand the swarm concept."

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

Gary misread the new policy on 'Free Thinking' in the work place.

'Gerald, it's so nice to see you finally getting closer to your employees.'

'Your resume seems in order, Mr. Lupo, but would you explain exactly why you want to work here> Mr. Lupo...?

Indecision and Outrage Trays

Earl suspends his disbelief.

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

"Oh yes, we expect to replace you very soon. After all, the qualifications for the job aren't much."

"You have a killer resume, Phil, but unfortunately, we have all the dead wood we need right now."

'I've got an exciting new assignment for you. You're going to share one salary.'

"Quicksand in a modern office building? Don't be silly."

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

The president of a company see a sign: While you were out we hit the lottery!

'I fetch, but it hasn't helped my career any.'

"I absolutely guarantee your workloads will not increase."

"Oh, I can be dependable, and for another £200 a week, I can be productive too."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."