Workplace Comedy Buff Gifts

'That's right, I'm offering you faint praise. I'm feeling magnanimous today.'

'That's insubordination! How dare you type in all caps to me!'

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'What's wrong now?'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'I know it's a bit unusual, but that's where he gets all the best ideas.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"