Office Comedy Buff Gifts

There's a gentleman wants to see you about when you're going to retire.

"Well of course I don't look how you imagined! It's Friday. I always dress casual on Fridays"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

"Now that I have everyone's attention..."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"Be patient. He'll have to visit the water cooler sooner or later."

Can do...No can do

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'