Office Humor Buff Gifts

"They've raised the bar at work, too."

'What's the minimal level of competence around here?'

'Hey, Jensen! Either help push or have the decency to slide off, OK?'

'We'll save a fortune in employment tribunals.'

'No calls for an hour, Ms Jones. I'm resting on my laurels.'

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

"This is my son...I want him to work his way up all the way from the bottom- even if it takes all day."

"Where are you going with this, Wingate?"

'Why Mr.Jones.. Is that you playing FTSE with me under the table? '

'A team meeting in 20 minutes seems appropriate.'

'I'll have my people call your people incessantly.'

'I've got an appointment with Mr. Payne.' - 'He'll see you now.' - 'Okay, take a deep br-' - 'Gah!' - 'Great, now turn ov-' - 'Argh!' - 'And a final tw-' - 'Mummy!' - '*Sob*' - 'Okay, all done.' - 'Did you, by any chance...' - '...hear you crying...'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

I've had feedback from litigation...

"Get me some valium please, Miss Minster - I've just been stranded in the lift with the agony aunt!"

'I batted cleanup, I was the R.B.I. king, the go-to guy...then the boss said no more sports metaphors.'

'It's a list of things I don't like to do.'

"Your qualification are impeccable, Ms Jones, but here at Anderson, Bennet, Cavendish and Diehl, we're really looking for a last name starting with 'E'."

Ageism gets old.

"Is this a question regarding the company's revision of its fiscal remuneration package - or another request to 'go curl one out'?"

"John was nice but inconsequential. He's never had his email hacked."

"Of course it's down, all we do is vote 'nay'."

'There's lots of text messaging in this job. I need someone who can just sit back and twiddle their thumbs all day.'

'Leadership abilities? Well I was the first to resign from the LAST place I worked!'

Man at a desk with a sign reading "Your Friend"

"I got an e-mail from 'Bored Housewife', looking for some action. So I sent her my laundry."

Interruption Time Management

"So I take it you're quitting."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"Why are you always the last one in the office? You never go home before it's dark."

"Do you believe in free speech?"

"To be fair, they couldn't make a single one of those charges stick."

"Don't be irreplaceable, because if you can't be replaced...you can't be promoted."

"This job really takes a toll on you."

"Maybe I should explain what we mean by a 'team player' type?"