Office Comedian Gifts

'Why do I have to go first?' 'There's no I in team, Dave.'

"Can't you just whistle while you work?"

"I never thought I'd see the day, they're taking our suggestions seriously at last!"

"Ahh, the arbitration team is here."

"Oh, I know He works in mysterious ways, but if I worked that mysteriously I'd get fired."

'I don't do much traditional exercise. But I make sure to get my heart rate up by freaking out at the office on a regular basis.'

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I suggest because I'm the boss and I say so. Or, #2: I launch into an excruciatingly dull, long and detailed presentation explaining my position. You decide."

"And to help you spearhead the new office efficiency drive I'm giving you this atlatl."

"I like it!"

'It's a thin dividing line,Johnson. Let's just ignore it.'

"Which brings us to my next point."

'Well I would have exhibited more leadership qualities if someone would have told me to.'

'There's talk of innovation out here. Winds of change are headed your way. Lock your door, pull the shades and hide under your desk.'

'Attention, everyone. Our CEO will be touring the department in ten minutes. Please take the 'Change is Good' placards out of your lower desk drawers, dust them off, and hang them in a prominent place. Thank you!'

'Middle managers play tennis.'

"It's a panic alarm. It goes off every time management show any interest in another reorganisation."

'I used to lead by example, but it was too much work.'

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

"The salary is negotiable, take it or leave it."

'Just put those safety awards on the table.'

Management is all about...

"Why don't you try learning from your own mistakes?"

'OK, all those in favour of delegating decision-making, shrug your shoulders.'

Planning ahead.

Sad boss: "This one pretty much sums it up."

"In a further effort to increase profits, control costs and satisfy shareholders, we've decided to steal stuff."

'My policy is to stay in close contact with my employees . . . figuratively speaking.'

'My family? Hell no, those are my clients!'

'So we're agreed: we'll go to mediation.'

Management Speak - reading between the lines: "This new role would involve some extra responsibilities." "He wants me too work twice as hard."

'And this chart shows our rate of growth.'

"Ms Johnson, would you mind ordering me another computer? And you can cancel the call to tech-support."

'I'd love to add something to this discussion but I have no idea what we're talking about.'

Is that your strategy plan?