Office Comedy Gifts

'You really have no idea what you're doing do you?'

'You know, you're a very expensive employee because we have to contribute to nine retirement and life insurance plans for you.'

Desk trays - 'In' and 'It's not my job'.

"Attacking mail carriers, destroying gardens, fouling carpets, annoying neighbors. Impressive résumé, I must say."

'Let's continue to keep our relationship strictly business.'

'I know you want to dry the 'ink off', Brian, but that fan is playing havoc with my 'hair-do!'

"...I wish he hadn't gone into the grizzly details!"

'Watkins! No licking yourself on company time!'

'The efficiency expert recommended cutting my job.'

'All those in favor...'

'Felworth, until you've completed your management training program, I'll have to ask you not to fool around with your desk.'

"This is our alternative work training class for people we're letting go."

"Ruddy AI. Bad enough to be replaced by a computer, never mind a COFFEE MAKER."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.