Office Humor Gifts

Department of Pure Speculation.

'Damn this paperless office!'

"Shall I file it or do you want to find it again?"

"I'm sick and tired of 'Generally Accepted Accounting Principles'."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"That happy little cloud floating over the Unicorp Building? I want that."

"No one could believe their eyes. Yet there he stood. In just three hours, fifty-one minutes and nine seconds, office supervisor Frank Fernlaw had proven that he very well COULD manage his way out of a wet paper bag, thank you very much."

"The afternoon off?? - it's only a papercut...!"

"We must kill this initiative, so let's mainstream it."

The Department of Lessons Learned...

"We look for people who can quickly adapt to changes in the workplace."

'We've considered every potential risk except the risks of avoiding all risks.'

"Who called this meeting again?"

'Well I would have exhibited more leadership qualities if someone would have told me to.'

Desk bins: 'Too much information,' 'Not enough,' 'Just right.'

'Mind you, I'm not responsible for the entire pipeline ?' just the section that flows through my office.'

A deadline comes to chew up a worker.

"No wonder your arm aches. Shackles should be placed at eye level. Man, it's an ergonomic nightmare down here."

'There's talk of innovation out here. Winds of change are headed your way. Lock your door, pull the shades and hide under your desk.'

'Well, this certainly explains much of the company's missing data. Who else thought the 'DEL' key on their computer was for delegating work?'

'That went well.'

'Don't let it throw you - It's just a negotiating tactic.'

'And this is Mr Whittingstall...He's in charge of compliance.'

Morris was finding it more difficult to adjust to the idea of a 'paperless' office than many.

'I fear we may have strayed from the agenda somewhat.'

Work/Life Balance.

Management is all about...

'Last week many of us had a tight schedule so our meeting was rushed and very short. Miss Jones, please read us the seconds of our last meeting.'

Planning ahead.

'Uh, help me out Jenkins. It seems we're out of toilet paper.' 'Didn't you get the email, Haversham? Our office has gone paperless.'

"Today's top priority is prioritizing our priorities."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

'My family? Hell no, those are my clients!'

Is that your strategy plan?

'You win some, you lose some. Don't worry about it. No one's keeping score.'