Office Jokes Gifts

"Perhaps we're overthinking the situation."

'You got your corner office, so now whats your problem?'

'Your memo Sir? It's just flown in... er I mean arrived now.'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"Happy New Quarter."

"I'm just basking in the glow of my not screwing anything up today."

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

Didn't you get my memo?

"Do you think it's the chap who runs our meetings?"

"...and here is an invoice for my time!"

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Jones, we're transferring you to the complaint department. We need someone who's a sorry sight."

"You're a blunt, defiant troublemaker. The boss wants you to work with him at headquarters..."

"Consider this job a reality show where you work your butt off 14 hours a day. If you win, you'll get a paycheck and the chance to do it all over again next week."

"Looks like we found the issue."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"This position has become very important to the company."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

Bo're'droom

'It's a difficult job, he needed a bigger than average 'stress ball'.'

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'