Modern Office Humor Gifts

"It's not 'Kafkaesque,' it's equal opportunity."

"Looks like we found the issue."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'You forget, I'm a blackbelt in powerpoint.'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf