Satirical Office Humor Gifts

'I hate to let you go, Blake, but since we've gone paperless, I can no longer justify an executive paperweight in the budget.'

Lee and Cooper: Abandon Health Plans All Ye Who Enter Here.

"I don't make the rules around here. I just enshrine them."

"Looks like we found the issue."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"This position has become very important to the company."

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.