Workplace Comedy Buff Prints

'That's right, I'm offering you faint praise. I'm feeling magnanimous today.'

'That's insubordination! How dare you type in all caps to me!'

'Jenkins, about these coffee breaks of yours...'

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

Boss's Desk Says No!

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."

'What's wrong now?'

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"I'm not sure about this new trainee - he asked me when does he get to see the actual ropes."

"Would anyone like to question my downsizing proposal?"

'So what do you think of my report, sir?'

'Yes, can I help you?'

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

"We need volunteers for the car chasing fundraiser."

'We have a strict don't-ask-don't-tell policy for salaries.'

'You did turn the company around... but we liked it the way it was...'

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

"Wake up Thomas, it's not 2020. There's no Zoom camera to turn off to hide yourself."

"And best of all, it comes fully loaded!"