Workplace Humour Enthusiast Gifts

'The boss says I should be more passionate about my job - we make WIDGETS!'

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Golfing Boss

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Work Parfait

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

Lethal Presentation

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"

'We're like family. I look out for them. They look out for me.'

'The downside to my meteoric rise to the top is that I didn't have the opportunity to step on many people.'

"These are the principal qualities we're looking for in our new recruits."