Workplace Comedy Lover Gifts

It was like he could read my mind.

'No, no, I've gone through all the steps in the procedure and I don't see anything about totally immersing yourself in oil before starting the job!!

Men all sharing one thought: 'I do all the work around here.'

"Try to get an extension on this to the day after I retire."

'The empowerment training was a mistake. Everyone quit.'

'Simmons mentioned something about a hole in our security...please don't tell me this is the hole, and by the way, where is Simmons?'

'Could I call you back, I'm right in the middle of interviews.'

When you made that job offer...you didn't by any chance press 'send all' by mistake did you?

"All I know is, this is my first day and they're paying minimum wage."

'Jerkins and I worked it out. He can have the office with the window.'

'Henderson! Find some DNA that matches mine and be quick about it!'

'I hate to fire you, Osgood, but I don't want to get a reputation for fairness.'

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

"What's the matter - boss stop short?"

'I solved the union problem. I made everyone management!'

"We went with an open floor plan because it can really facilitate a shared sense of hysteria."

"Maybe I'm paranoid, but sometimes I feel like the boss is looming over me, glaring down, as if he could work faster than me."

"Aww, you're sweet... but I don't date co-workers."

'Here's a job that sounds just like mine, oh-oh, it is mine.'

"I'm just curious. Which one of you works in our complaints department?"

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'Does that mean you found a new job, Hirshenson?'

"It's our employee panic cubicle. Head for it immediately if you think you're about to be laid off. The walls are made of two-inch-thick, impenetrable corporate boilerplate!"

"Get this project in on time and under budget and you can name your own reward. Up to and including a heartfelt attaboy."

'Even the temp was promoted over me.'

"The new guy would need written instructions on how to use a mirror."

"Swallow another one, Pearson and you're fired."

'It's time for your telling off.'

The Great Communicator.

'I admire how you don't take no for an answer, but I'm afraid I'm calling security.'

'I like your looks. You're hired, sweetie.'

"Ziegler, I'm transferring you out of the energy commission!"

"We're letting you go...or have you noticed?"

'My new years resolution was to delegate more...so I delegated managing massively increased demands with drastically reduced resources to George.'

"You want to quit? That means I can't bully you anymore...Hey! That's bulling, mister!"