Workplace Humor Enthusiast Prints

"I'm glad you called me. I've been cooped up in my office all day long."

Giving Feedback

"By the way, while you were off sick yesterday, we identified the bottleneck."

"Try to be more like Mary. Mary's a real team player."

'You are this week's top person on the team pyramid.'

"We take a very hands-off approach in management. Particularly when it comes to employee theft."

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'Would you prefer a quick termination or a slow, painful phaseout?'

"Why do we keep trying?""Because we need purpose..."

'I'm giving you a praise. It's not a raise but it will look good on your evaluation.'

'As the intern, it'll be your job to work for free.'

'...need to design something to bridge the generation gap.'

A gangster moves papers from the 'bada-bing' box to the 'bada-boom' box.

"And this chart tracks the self-appraisal ratings since we started hiring millennials."

"You've had enough 'monkey see,' Edwards. We want some 'monkey do.'"

Indecision and Outrage Trays

'Fantastic job, Darryl! Y-yes! You have placed that stamp most expertly on that envelope! Well done! Well done! We all deeply appreciate your extraordinary effort!'

'The NHS believes in a carrot and stick approach to motivation...'

'Not a problem. On what they pay us, I can't afford lunch.'

'On this final point we cannot negotiate...no more smooth jazz in the break room.'

Using mirrors to make up for the staff shortage.

'OK, good. I just wanted to be sure you were still on top of it.'

Warning! The machinery at this plant is old & dangerous! Work here at risk of life and limb - OSHA: 'Sorry, but we only hire illiterates!'

"If working from home isn't an option I'm willing to just stay there and do nothing."

Boss - New employees flourish when we treat them like mushrooms...keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em lots of manure...

'I'm looking for someone who can take on great responsibility and make executive decisions and be willing to start at the minimum wage.'

'It's a fake. But all the hanging around the water cooler is down 37%!'

"I don't think you understand how stressful jobs like mine are.. do you realise I'm responsible for the entire cat litter packaging programme in this area."

With absolutely no warning, Phil crossed the fine line separating business from pleasure and was never heard from again.

'I always encourage employees to think for themselves, as long as they think what I tell them.'

'I wouldn't worry about the retirement plan. You'd have to be out of your mind to work here that long.'

While you were out... the whole office talked about you.

'Delegating has worked well for me....I haven't actually done anything since 1993.'

Accident free button gives an electric shock.

"If our work processes aren't meeting the customers needs, then we have to bring our customers in line!"