Job Creation Satirists Gifts

'I'm going out to create some jobs, if you know what I mean.'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"The boss likes people with strong convictions. You're hired."

'Yes, can I help you?'

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

"Progress is going around in the same circle...but faster."

Our Founder picture of a caveman: 'We're a very, very old firm.'

The Corporate Trust: 'Since we have an agreement of transparency with the feds, I don't need to remind all of you that this meeting never happened.'

"'Start a company, make money.' Your business plan may be missing a few steps in the middle."

Dolestart - A New Initiative

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."

'A word in my office Jones.'

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Of course, in the long term we're all extinct.'

'We've replaced the hiring bonus and the health coverage with a promise of a job.'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

"Nothing personal, I just wanted to see if I still had it."

'Job satisfaction is up, because there are fewer jobs.'

"You'll be allowed to work from home two days a week... Saturday and Sunday."

'I don't think I could have picked a tougher line of work.'

'W e e e l l . . . my mum says I'm good at testing the patience of saints'

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

'I like your appearance. I'm sure we can find you a place in the company.'

"This is like the time you had me sell water as a 'diet drink'."

"Of course there is still a lot of stigma attached to being undead, I hardly ever get past the interview stage."

"Hard work got me to where I am today and yours will help ensure I stay there."

'I'm looking for someone to bask in my glow.'

Right,so you're looking for someone with magic circle experience in M&A ,litigation and finance with a set of blue chip clients and the freedom to work ANYWHERE...would you like them to walk on water and turn water into wine as well?

"We don't build the toys anymore. We just order them from our factories overseas."

"Of course there are some advantages to working here...we have a Food Bank situated conveniently at the end of the street!"

Merchant Bankers - Patience is a virtue, anyone displaying it will be dismissed

"It has snooze control. Ideal for those long board meetings."

'Hey, I know how to stop famine and poverty! Let's have lunch and after that, we go on making money!'