Job Hunter Giggler Gifts

"You state on your resume that you want to work very little, but get paid a lot. I do appreciate your honesty."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

"What's your occupation?"

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

Are you able to concentrate on your work? My mind wanders a lot but fortunately it's too weak to go very far.

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

"Do you have any other qualities to offer apart from loyalty?"

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

'For a raise you must apply in person to our Bombay office...'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"Any other strengths?"

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'

America's Biggest Export...

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'