Job Hunter Giggler Pillows

"You state on your resume that you want to work very little, but get paid a lot. I do appreciate your honesty."

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

'Actually, there's no interview necessary. Just pull out the sword and the job's yours.'

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"What's your occupation?"

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

Help wanted. Various positions available.

"How's the job interviews going?" "Not well. Seems they only want the best and the brightest."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Henry has found his niche with us.'

"This is one of those great jobs you'd be willing to do for free. Will you do it for free?"

'I think I'm decisive. Can I get back to you on that?'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

'Have you got a resume?'

'Mr. Barnes was going to interview you for the job, until he realized you were actually expecting financial compensation, benefits and vacation time.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"I can see from your résumé that you're a man."

Being unable to clearly articulate responses to interview questions is a common mistake...

"Do you have any other qualities to offer apart from loyalty?"

"Now I don't want to alarm you, but are you familiar with the term 'On the scrapheap'!"

'For a raise you must apply in person to our Bombay office...'

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"Any other strengths?"

'Oh I can be reliable and for an extra three hundred a week, I can be efficient too.'

America's Biggest Export...

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'Don't worry about your small handicap: Santa is an equal-opportunity employer: It will turn out fine...'