Job Hunter With Humor Pillows

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

What do you think of the application so far?

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Oh yes, I'm very adept at using office machines. I can operate soda machines, candy machines, coffee machines..."

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

Will work for question marks.

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'Next thing I'll need from you is a sample. Writing or urine - your choice.'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

'I asked my boss if I could use him as a character reference...'

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"I can start you on minimal wage."

'I see. But apart from the 'caped crime-fighting', you are, in fact, available for work.'

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

'May I have your card? I'll be sending either a thank you, or a screw you note.'

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."