Job Hunters With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

What do you think of the application so far?

'Are you free at the moment?'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

Will work for question marks.

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

What sort of job are you after?

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

'I asked my boss if I could use him as a character reference...'

'Next thing I'll need from you is a sample. Writing or urine - your choice.'

"I can start you on minimal wage."

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

'May I have your card? I'll be sending either a thank you, or a screw you note.'