Job Hunters With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

What do you think of the application so far?

'Are you free at the moment?'

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

What sort of job are you after?

'Next thing I'll need from you is a sample. Writing or urine - your choice.'

'I asked my boss if I could use him as a character reference...'

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

'May I have your card? I'll be sending either a thank you, or a screw you note.'

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'