Job Hunter With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

"Where do you see yourself when the hot weather hits?"

"So, you've been working on the railroad all the live long day. Any other recent experience?"

"Well, this all checks out, when can you start?"

"Ideally we are looking for someone with your experience but a different personality."

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

What sort of job are you after?

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'