Job Hunter's Humor Lover Gifts

'As you know we like to give feedback to candidates on their interview.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

"What's your occupation?"

When staffing agencies screw up.

The ultimate Secret Service demotion. We're sending you to guard Mount Rushmore.

'I'm afraid I can't do business with you, Miss Carstairs -- you're just too damned cute.'

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"Besides, 'Not working for this crappy company,' where do you see yourself in 5 years?"

I have an opening for someone like you. It's called a door.

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

'One good thing about the salary - you won't be liable for income tax.'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

'It's a grueling job that requires a strong commitment and personal sacrifice. Is your mother available?'

"The position you've applied for does employ some osmosis."

'Do we have a dental plan?..Oh sure. Big Kenny here,takes care of all tooth extractions.'

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

'We were going to hire you, but a background check showed you pulled a girl's ponytail in the 2nd grade. We don't need abusive people working here.'

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

"Hurry, son! The economy is almost at full employment! Better get a job before they're all gone!"

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Next thing I'll need from you is a sample. Writing or urine - your choice.'

'I asked my boss if I could use him as a character reference...'

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

'Why did you leave your last job?' 'The parole board finally came through.'

'I see. But apart from the 'caped crime-fighting', you are, in fact, available for work.'

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'May I have your card? I'll be sending either a thank you, or a screw you note.'