Job Seeker Giggler Pillows

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

'You think you're so clever don't you...you thought you could get past our recruitment safeguards...'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"What's your occupation?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

Urine Catcher

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"And you can REALLY make 345,000 deliveries in ONE day!"

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.