Giggling Job Hunters Pillows

'Why don't you get on your yacht and look for work?'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"What's your occupation?"

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

'Are you free at the moment?'

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

Will work for question marks.

"I see by your r?sum? that i should have looked at it before inviting you for an interview."

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

'I looked at your resume and the good news is I like the paper it was typed on. Do you really want to know the bad news?'

"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'Your work experience, résumé and references are all perfectly adequate...but nothing seems to stand out.'

'Inadequate, insecure, obsessive lacking in empathy or commitment...excellent, when can you start?'

"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."

'Next thing I'll need from you is a sample. Writing or urine - your choice.'

"What quality do you have, that will make us hire you as our new telephone support employee?"

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

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"And what makes you think you have the necessary qualities for working on the bins?"

"And this is our head of HR who will be arranging your contract."

'I told the interviewer that I walked away from a six-figure job. I just left out the part about the security escort.'

'You'd be right for us if we decide to lower our standards.'

'Have you worked at a non-profit before?' 'Yes! and believe it or not, they blamed me!'

'You do realize that this isn't going to look good on my resume?'

We're actually looking for someone who just wants to get out of the house.

"You did good on the true or false part of your application, but your essay was a little weak."