Job Seeker Giggler Gifts

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

'You think you're so clever don't you...you thought you could get past our recruitment safeguards...'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

"What's your occupation?"

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

"Do you have any specific experience other than 'this and that'?"

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"I want to get him something for Christmas he's never had before."

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"