Job Hunting Giggler Gifts

'I'll have to see you first, Mrs Yomp, before I can accept your proposition to hire your son.'

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

"In addition to 'loyalty' are there any OTHER qualities you think you could bring to the job?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."

A man is selling, 'Cameron voodoo dolls', outside of job centre.

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"And you can REALLY make 345,000 deliveries in ONE day!"

When staffing agencies screw up.

'Your resume is quite impressive. However, I'm a little concerned about you biting your last four bosses.'

"We are looking for temps, but I'm afraid you're too temp for us."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"I only live for 24 hours, so I need a temp job that pays big bugs."

"So, Ms. Mayfly. Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

Bit of a mix-up. The advert should have said 'Stalactite wanted'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

'If there are any current employees traveling with children or siblings or cousins or nephews or...'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'We need someone to walk the plants.'

'One question before I take the job...is this a safe workplace?'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

"Very impressive. Leave it with me. Mommy will get back to you by the week."

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"I expected you would write something."

"This is an impressive resume, but do you have other experience besides 'barking a lot'?"

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."