Quirky Job Seeker Gifts

Urine Catcher

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'I'd prefer to work from home. I'm under house arrest.'

'Here's an opportunity: Ride a donkey into Mexico, become a citizen, and then sneek back across the border and get a job.'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'We come as a pair - we're applying for headship and assistant post.'

Chster K. Crimpknuckle, the undisputed King of stepladder salesmen.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

Will Work For Health Food

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'This accountant will do.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"Any other skills?"

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."