Quirky Job Finder Gifts

Help Wanted...

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

Blend Schools

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Latrinologist

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

"Any other strengths?"

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'