Quirky Job Finder Pillows

Help Wanted...

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

Blend Schools

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Scoutmasters aren't usually used as references.'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"Get another job? I can't! My breed can only be faithful to one master in a lifetime!"

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

PERSONNEL, 'This is terribly embarrassing -- I've been married so many times, I've forgotten my maiden name.'

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

Latrinologist

"Any other strengths?"