Quirky Job Applicant Pillows

"Any other strengths?"

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"You list as an honor, a suspended sentence, and your parole as an award?"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

'We like to find just the right slot for our people.'

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

Urine Catcher

"Any other skills?"

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Bancroft, it's time to pay the salesmen their bonuses. Would you please stop at the butchers' shop and get a few pounds of raw meat?'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"That's great that you're on 8 different social media sites, but how are you at bank reconciliations, accounts payable, and working?"

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'...No it's Malcom from ***** after someone with autocad experience in elecro-mechanical design.'

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

Lateral Recruits

Latrinologist