Quirky Job Applicants Pillows

'Yes, I wear a dress and hack people to death, but I'm still right for this job.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"Get me a young fella-me-lad with a jib I like the cut of."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"Any other skills?"

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'...No it's Malcom from ***** after someone with autocad experience in elecro-mechanical design.'

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'I see Charlie's moonlighting again.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

Kid sells Acai Berry Juice at stand free trial.

"I called you back for a second interview to show you the origami I make with your résumé."

Lateral Recruits

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

Baggage Claim: Anyone Who Knows How To Hot-Wire A Car.

'Looks like the sexton position is still vacant.'

"This job involves travel? Let me call my parole officer and OK it with him."

"Any other strengths?"