Quirky Applicant Pillows

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

'This test doesn't understand me.'

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"A simple note from your mother would have sufficed, Tommy."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"That's Arnie, our resident meeting moth. He doesn't have an office... Just flits all day from one meeting to another. And be careful: he's got a thing for wool!"

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

"I didn't raise my hand. I was just stretching."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"Any other skills?"

"...and I'm proficient in two languages ? English and text messaging."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

Essay Paper.

Physics 101. An object in motion remaining in motion is an example of what law? Easy come, easy go!

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"I don't mind your acting as your own attorney, but would you please stop hopping on and off that damned chair?"

"I'm deleting history so there will be nothing to study for tomorrow's history test."

'You'll need a better credit rating before we can give you a credit card?'

"My ship didn't sink. I swam here from New Jersey to get into The Guinness Book of World Records."

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

'...No it's Malcom from ***** after someone with autocad experience in elecro-mechanical design.'