Quirky Career Seeker Pillows

'Son, as I can see it, your career prospects as a pirate seem to be... hm...limited!'

Let's see... Graduated from Notre Dame... Majored in bell ringing... Minored in stair climbing... Busted your hump for 3 years at the Frank & Stein facility conducting a brain research - Looks like you accidentally crossed out the 'R-E'. Heh.

"Lawyer is good, but have you ever considered a career in the lucrative world of mascotting?"

'I think I've finally found my own niche.'

Curse of the mutant gene.

The Artists Fall-Back Career 'It's an easy gig to get once you stop waxing.'

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

The world's most unemployable family

'We're looking for someone to liven up our Monday morning job meetings. Can you handle it Chuckles?'

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."

Blend Schools

'I let my merit badges do the talking.'

'Smith, where exactly did you get your experience in 'Hedge Fund Management'?'

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"Any other skills?"

"...and I'm proficient in two languages ? English and text messaging."

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

True, I've seen plenty of padded resumes, but very few bejeweled resumes.

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

Bovine Proctology Graduation

"Your experience is impressive and your qualifications excellent but I'm afraid you're let down by not being the same as everyone else."

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'Of course I have to poke people, Mom! It's my job!'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'

"...I'm available for interview, at your convenience!"