Quirky Careerist Pillows

"Any other skills?"

Sorry, Mr Arbutnot, I'm not interested

'Your heart's not really in this job, is it?'

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

'Must really be a terrible headache you've got there, Doctor.'

"Okay...tell me again what training seminar we sent Bill to?"

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

The world's most unemployable family

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

Joint Ventures!

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Urine Catcher

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

"However, should the need arise at Cyber-Biogenetics, for a trusty sidekick, we have your resume on file."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."

"Any other skills?"

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

'What's our stockbroker doing in the shower? Quick! Run and get me a rolled up copy of the Wall Street Journal!'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"A Ph.D. in particle physics, experience in aerospace and rocketry...of course I can juggle."

"By the way, I'm giving notice I start at Hooters on Monday."

"No more Dr Nice guy"

"Well, what a coincidence, Jeff's in vermin control too!"

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'A resume painted in oils on canvas? How long have you been out of work?'

Dexter Flynn, Taxidermy Attorney.

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'Of course I have to poke people, Mom! It's my job!'

"Your experience is impressive and your qualifications excellent but I'm afraid you're let down by not being the same as everyone else."

Bovine Proctology Graduation

Exciting suggestion in 'suggestion box'.

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

'You know, I was buying this resume until I got to the part about you serving on your town's Ouija Board.'

'And what do you do for a living Gary?' 'I'm a Puppeteer.'